Of the three Baroque masters who were born between February 23 (George Frideric Handel) and March 21 (Johann Sebastian Bach), it is too often Georg Philipp Telemann who fulfills the function of Larry Fine.

Caught between Bach’s contrapuntal face-slaps and eye-pokes and Handel’s melodic-dramatic shoulder-spins, Telemann, as often as not, winds up getting his hair pulled and his violin smashed.

I thought it only right to point out that Telemann taught himself the flute, oboe, recorder, double bass, etc., all against the wishes of his family. He wrote more music than Bach and Handel combined – over 3000 works – making him one of the most prolific composers of all time. He was also offered the cantorate of the Thomaskirche in Leipzig ahead of Bach.

Sure, Bach and Handel were his friends, and he was the godfather of Bach’s son, C.P.E., but he also lived too long and lost his eyesight. And his wife ran up horrific gambling debts.

Anyway, happy birthday, Telemann. You may have written way too much music for your own good, but you were always the funniest of the Baroque stooges.

Which reminds me: Here at WWFM – The Classical Network, we’re only a week away from Bach’s birthday, and we’re looking to generate enough donations that we, in good conscience, can cancel fundraising on that day, March 21, and celebrate by simply enjoying Bach’s music. We call it the “Bach 500.” Basically, we’re looking for 500 listeners to step up and contribute in any amount. When we reach 500 donations, we stop asking for money and focus exclusively on spinning the discs.

We are accepting contributions now, at our website, wwfm.org – click on “donate” – or please call us during business hours at 1-888-232-1212. If you have received a renewal request in the mail, get that return envelope back to us ASAP, so that we can include you in the tally before the 21st.

Again, 500 contributions will cancel the fundraising and open the floodgates on Bach. (Bach, after all, is German for brook.) Thank you for doing your part to make this year’s Bach 500 a success!

PORTRAITS (left to right): Bach, Telemann, and Handel

Nyuk nyuk nyuk!